killclaudio: (Victoria Ben Bed)
[personal profile] killclaudio
The Physical Therapy AU has reached 5000 words, including a rather pathetic synopsis, and it still feels like I've barely started. I reckon it's going to be pushing 30k by the time I've finished. That's about ten times as long as anything I've ever written. But I'm not panicking. I'm not. THIS IS ME NOT PANICKING!

Ahem. The adorable [ profile] nos4a2no9 has already volunteered to take a look at it for me, but if anyone felt like providing a third or fourth pair of eyes, that would be fabulous. Because apparently I need feedback constructive criticism to have my hand held, because I'm four. Hi.

Or you could come and tell me whether or not you think Fraser loves Victoria, and why? That would be hugely helpful. I've been racking my brains about this, trying to decide how to write about Victoria from Fraser's perspective, and this is as close as I can get;

I think Fraser feels responsible for Victoria; it's his fault, after all, that she ended up in gaol. Lots of people reason this out by saying she deserved it, but what's important here is what Fraser thinks, and clearly Fraser thinks she didn't deserve it. He defends her to his father in VS, implying that she had no choice because she was "living with the men who planned the robbery". Besides, it's not as though we want justice for the people we love; we want mercy.

I think by the time VS takes place, ten years after they survived the storm together, the survivor's bond and whatever love they may have felt is mostly gone. What Fraser feels instead is guilt and responsibility. He needs to try and make it up to her, to support her, to trust her in a way he didn't before. ("I won't leave...not this time.") We know how much Fraser hates slipping up or making a mistake and he must, he must, set it right. Fraser has a soft spot for things that are hurt and suffering, and I think he always regrets not being able to help Victoria more.

There are certain qualities in Victoria that I think Fraser would respond to; she's intelligent, tough, independent, single-minded. I think he would prefer that to someone who agrees with every word he says and fawns over him. And if he's a little frightened of her, well, it's a rush of adrenaline, like being on a roller coaster. Scary but fun. Besides which, I think she knows him very well. That moment on the train, when she's leaving, she knows what to say to him that will make him go with her. She understands that he hates having regrets.

I don't think it's too much of a leap to assume that when Victoria is finally gone, Fraser will start to feel better. He did his duty to the law; he told the police what she was doing. He did his duty to her; he let her escape. I firmly believe that he wanted to go with her because he was frightened of making a mistake a second time, not because he actually needed her any more. I'm not sure, but maybe I want to write a Fraser who wakes up and realises that he's spent the last ten years getting over Victoria, and he hasn't let himself realise it until this moment, because he's been too busy berating himself for his betrayal. Or something.

Also? I may have been reading too much of Gerard Manley Hopkins' poetry. It's doing odd things to my brain.
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June 2008

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